By Sherris Cottier Shank C.Ht.
Have you ever attempted to catch the wind in your hand or contain the beauty of a sunset in a jar? The wind slips through your fingers, and the sunset vanishes before your eyes because the wind and the sunset come and go in their own natural cycle and cannot be caught or held.
The same is true for happiness that ebbs and flows, appears and disappears, and moves through our lives with a maddeningly quixotic nature. Just when we think, “I’m happy!” life takes a turn, and a different emotion appears.
Yet, as human beings, we seem to be compelled to pursue this elusive quality. Most of our wants and desires stem from the belief that they will make us happy. In Western culture particularly, this desire often manifests as a longing for more: more possessions, vacations, money, and security.
We convince ourselves that “I’ll be happy when… I have a new romance, a better job, more money.” Yet, when we stop to assess our lives after achieving our goals, we may find ourselves wondering why we are still not happy.
The truth is that happiness is an emotion that can be present at times and absent at others. This occurs partly because all feelings, including happiness, are fluid, and are often triggered by external events beyond our control.
Yet, all too often, we find ourselves trapped in the pursuit of happiness, perpetually wanting, and endlessly searching, which leaves us with a continuous experience of lack. Just as we can never catch the wind, bottle the sunset, or control external events, we cannot catch and hold happiness. When we try, we risk falling into a sense of frustration and deprivation.
Why Not Aim For Contentment?
Contentment is not an emotion; it is a state of being, an overall sense of existence that shapes how we experience life from day to day. It arises from a deep inner knowing that “I have all I need; all is well in my world.”
According to Daniel Cordaro, Ph.D., founder and CEO of the nonprofit Contentment Foundation, the term “contentment” originates from the Latin word “contentus,” which means “held together” or “intact, whole.” Initially, “contentus” referred to containers like cups, buckets, and barrels. Over time, the term evolved to describe individuals who feel complete within themselves.
“Contentus,” states Cordaro, raises the question, “How whole do you feel inside? How complete are you as a human being?”
Like all emotions, happiness is temporary and reactive, leaving us constantly wanting more. Contentment, however, is accessible even in
times of chaos because we are drawing only on our own inner state of well-being. It is consistent, resilient, and enduring.
While happiness is fleeting and often out of reach, contentment can be cultivated, practiced, and welcomed into our lives.
Creating Contentment
To be content requires effort for sure, but the rewards are profound.
The most significant work required to develop contentment is healing old emotional wounds. No one goes through life without collecting emotional wounds, and few of us have the ability and support to heal them at their origin.
Whether we experience trauma, abuse, neglect, repression, or simply a lack of love, the wounds remain in the subconscious mind until they are processed and healed. Burying, ignoring, numbing, or denying these wounds unfortunately leads to suffering that can last years or lifetimes.
It is worthwhile noting that these wounds also derail happiness. It is difficult to be happy when you’re traumatized. However, happiness can remain elusive even after healing emotional wounds, while contentment can be steadily cultivated and nurtured.
The reward for healing our emotional wounds is discovering our authentic selves. Beneath the walls we’ve built to protect ourselves and the coping mechanisms we’ve developed to survive lies our true essence, our soul-self that has been waiting for us to set it free. What a magnificent gift!
After healing our wounds, we can cultivate practices, habits, perspectives, and attitudes that preserve and celebrate our freedom to be our truest selves. We no longer need to fight battles from the past or wrestle with demons who have long overstayed their welcome. We can enjoy and cherish life on our terms. This is contentment.
Final Thoughts
Ironically, living in contentment creates the ideal conditions for experiencing happiness. Thus, even if we consider contentment a stepping stone to a final goal, it remains our best course of action.
Living in contentment, however, is exceptionally fulfilling in itself. When happiness emerges, it is a delightful accent to an already rich experience.